Congratulations, Victoria: it's a boy! Yes, after the shock resignation of Ted Baillieu yesterday, the plucky state has a new brand new premier: Geoff Shaw! Sure, technically it's now Denis Napthine, but since a) Shaw's departure from the Liberals is what precipitated Baillieu leaving the top job, and b) that the Liberals need Shaw's vote to be able to govern, the State is now basically in the hands of the loose cannon Frankston MP. Reports that he has demanded a high-collared cape and to be addressed only as The Dark Lord Geofftor, State Member for Chaos and Despair could not be confirmed by press time - although we can confirm that he has changed his website motto from "Delivering for Frankston" to "Fools! I'll destroy them all!"
In other leadership changing news, after reporting yesterday that Venezuela's president Hugo Chavez's condition had worsened (thanks, according to vice president Nicolas Maduro, to the cancer that US operatives somehow gave him) lost his battle with the disease that was officially not a problem mere weeks ago. The colourful left-wing-populist-slash-conspiracy-loving-nutjob was 58.?
It's OK, everyone: you know that video that's been going around showing 18 year old Jamie Jackson pleading with passers-by for help while being handcuffed and thrown to the ground by a police officer (badge Fairfield LAC 266) at Mardi Gras on Saturday night? Apparently he swore at police, so the violent physical response was totally not heavy handed at all. He's being charged with assaulting police and resisting arrest, and just in case you haven't seen the clip, here it is. Just a warning: this isn't pleasant. Oh, and for the record: it's absolutely legal for you to film the police, even if they ask you to stop. Just file that away.
Capitalising on the huge, expanding twin industries of publishing and offline pornography comes news that Playboy has launched a Hebrew edition in Israel, because if there's one thing that will soothe already ruffled feathers in the troubled Middle East it's a country prepared to celebrate boobs. "I believe that the special formula that has brought Playboy to a rare level of success throughout the world will continue to succeed in my new home Israel," said publisher Daniel Pomerantz, whose former home was apparently 1974. The move comes as observers note that Israel's demographics are skewing toward an increasingly-militant Jewish orthodoxy which isn't a big fan on women getting their kit off or doing much else - views shared by pretty much every Muslim country in the region. So, um, good luck with that.?
Kanye West isn't angry, just very disappointed and also angry. Only the seventh best rapper in the world according to an entirely arbitrary list compiled by MTV? "To me, I feel like in order for them to put me as number seven, they had to bring up things they didn't like," he told US radio station Hot 97, like any grown adult would, "it's definitely not based on a body of work. They don't like 'Givenchy' Kanye, they don't like Kanye in a kilt, they don't like Kanye in a relationship." While this is yet another peek into the entirely Kanye West-themed mind of Kanye West, it also finally answers the question "does anyone take MTV's opinion on music seriously anymore?" with "yes. Kanye West does, inexplicably."
Beautiful Fiji? Romantic New Caledonia? Or maybe the cosmopolitan Queensland coast? Those are just some of the destinations that tropical cyclone Sandra might be hitting this weekend, and the various weather tracking stations are having a hell of a time working out exactly where it's likely to make landfall and start tearing things apart. The fresh new category 3 storm could arrive as early as today, so maybe batten down hatches if you're up north, just in case.
Could Kate Middleton be having a girl? That's the breathless speculation going around the media at the moment after accepting a white teddy bear from a member of the public with the words "Thank you, I will take that for my d? my baby." The UK press is awash with reports that the royal zygote is packed with XX chromosomes, but we know the truth: Kate Middleton almost admitted to a commoner she was carrying a daemon. Consult the dark books of prophesy - you know it to be true!?
Today in Star Wars news: Carrie Fisher has confirmed to Palm Beach Illustrated that she's playing Princess Leia in the forthcoming Star Wars sequels (which, as we discussed yesterday, will be principally about using Chewbacca's shit to insulate the Millennium Falcon from cosmic radiation). More specifically, when asked if she was reprising her role, she said "yes". Which seems pretty unambiguous, really - disappointing so, given how adorably coy Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford have been about whether or not they'll be back as Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. We at TheVine want to know only this, though: will Peter Mayhew return as Chewie, and will he use his own faeces in the role?
Russell Crowe totally saw a UFO, you guys: he set up a camera in his office in Wooloomooloo to film the fruit bats in the Domain, but there was this totally mysterious rectangular light in the sky and so, obviously, it was a spaceship. He jumped onto Twitter to explain that it couldn't possibly be anything else, like the reflected taillight of a car outside that it looks awfully like, for example, because "THESE ARE REAL". As Russell Crowe was the only person in Sydney on Wednesday, there was sadly no-one else who could possibly have noticed a mysterious spacecraft lurking around the harbour. We will, however, admit that it is possible that he was taking the piss. Or that he's an idiot. Either seems plausible.
And finally, there's a petition up at We The People, the White House's direct action portal, asking that the US government change the national anthem from the current 'Star Spangled Banner' to R. Kelly's 'Ignition (Remix)'. In what is second only to the "let's build us a Death Star" petition, the creators declare that "America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it's the afterparty, and that after the party, it's the hotel lobby, and - perhaps most importantly - that 'round about four, you've got to clear the lobby, at which point it's strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody." At the time of writing the petition had garnered 5,298 signatures, meaning they're a mere 94,702 names away from having someone from the White House sigh and write an official response saying "um, no". But still, just imagine?
BONUS ELEVENTH THING! Just as we hit "publish" we realised that?South Australia has a new logo which should change absolutely everything: lovers of origami will be delighted by the fresh new look, which also appears to position Adelaide as "the nation's vagina". Or maybe it's a doorway, in keeping with the longstanding state motto "would the last one out please lock up". Either way, spectacular work by graphic designer Ken Kato.?
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